We’ve all been there… lingering in the aftermath of a breakup, that we weren’t quite mentally or emotionally ready for. No matter how many times your best friend (or mom) tells you that you’ll be over him soon – or that there’s someone better out there for you - you just can’t seem to escape the very literal feeling of overwhelm or the constant thoughts of what could have been.
But you will be okay.
give yourself permission to be okay (without him)
To be honest, there’s no specific time frame for healing your broken heart. But there are many ways that you may be making things harder for yourself. And while there’s no guarantee for when you’ll fully be ready to move on – there are some steps you can take to accelerate the process.
disconnect from social media
Stalking his Instagram or hearing his voice on SnapChat constantly, is not conducive to the process of moving on. It’s easy to find a way to validate following your ex on social media, tricking yourself into believing that you want to be his friend even if you’re not together. This is actually a little akin to torture – because while you may receive a little emotional relief by knowing what they’re doing or who they’re with, they are NOT with you! And instead of you focusing on you, you’re still channeling energy to focus on him.
tip: Remove them from your accounts and even block where needed!
We cling to what is familiar because it’s what we know – what we’re used to.
Change is foreign, new routines, new experiences… and we’re not always ready to explore possibilities – so we cling to the memory of someone that is no longer a part of our life. Developing the courage to let go of someone that you have loved and shared yourself is easier said than done, but it’s necessary.
By not letting go of your fears, you could be the very reason you can’t move on.
tip: Give yourself time to process and grieve, but then give yourself the okay to be open to possibility.
you can’t get over HOW it happened
Sometimes it has nothing to do with the actual person involved – it’s the events that took place to get you here that haunt you.
you’re a woman.
You have emotions… but there are some situations, people, and events that scar us deeply. Whether it’s the betrayal of him cheating or the guilt that you feel for the part you played in the demise of the relationship, the only way to get over it is to face it head-on.
- Acknowledge and process the reasons that led up to the breakup.
- Don’t glamorize the reality of the relationship prior to it ending.
- Learn from any lessons this experience has taught you.
- Willingly release anger and rage… you’ll need to, to find your personal peace.
- Forgive yourself and/or the other person.
Have you ever noticed how easy it is to forget about your worries – when you’re busy? In the weeks, maybe months, following a breakup, fill your calendar. Try that yoga class you’ve been thinking about since before you knew him, visit friends and family, and create a new routine.
But keep in mind, even with a ton of activities to keep your mentally and physically occupied, you will inevitably find yourself with downtime. It’s natural, when you’re hurting, to reflect on what was… but don’t allow your thoughts to live there.
Most of the time, if we’re honest, it’s not the person that we miss, it’s the comfort that came from being in a relationship. Be honest with yourself in these moments; so that you’re aware of why you’re feeling what you’re feeling. The more you come to terms with the true root cause, the faster your healing will come.
- Stay busy
- Focus on personal development
- Practice extreme self-care